||[Mar. 6th, 2007|05:27 am]
Before I go any further, I just wanted to let you know that this isn't going to be like any other journal I've written. This one is going to be filled with a lot of emotional things, so those of you who don't want to read, please click the back button on your browser and continue on.
Lately I've been in a rather emotional state, namely about 2 days ago. Up and down mood swings, memories flashing back like a sped up light show, having a panic attack and not knowing what the heck was happening to me....it's all been really confusing.
I mean....there's just so much I wish I could right down to get all of this out, but that'd take forever to do. I just need someone to talk to that'll really listen to me.
I talk to my dog a lot too because she listens, and I love her a lot.
But for the past few days, I've been remembering my best friend whom I lost to cancer 5 1/2 years ago....remembering how we played together ran around the house, rolled around on the floor, slept with each other *begins to tear up* oh gosh...
And....I remember how much he loved me....from the times I was born, to the day he died...he literally saved my life *begins to cry softly*
But as I got older and he did too....I realize that.....that I really didn't pay much as much attention to him as I should have...until he got sick *pauses and takes a deep breath, holding back his tears*
He made me realize how valuable life really is, and how....we should never take life for granted.
I remember the last time I saw him before he passed...I was hugging him, and he was so weak.. and I wondered why god would do such a thing to someone so innocent, so loving, and so..perfect *sniffs* and cause them to die such a painful and slow death...
But when they were about to take him away, he used the last of his strength to look up at me, whip his head around and give me one final lick goodbye...that's when I said I'd see him tomorrow...
When they took him down that long hallway. I began to cry, and ran after them, but the doctors held me back, while I yelled "I loved you" *tears up more, a few small tears rolling down his cheek* I will never forget that moment. I will NEVER forget him...I just wish it didn't have to end like this...
But unfortunately tomorrow never came, and he had to be uthinized....
Hermangiosarcoma is a dirty thing, and it took the life of the best friend I ever had in my life...it's a blood cancer that spreads throughout the body, lowering the white bloodcell count...
And when he had the blood tumor on his shoulder, I was amazed at how strong he was....going through keemo therapy...going back and forth to the hospital, getting IV's in him.
He was so strong.....I just miss him
So let this be a lesson to all of you...never take a friendship for granted! EVER! Life is valuable, and should not be messed with, and so is friendship...because if you don't take advantage of the time you have now...when they're gone, you'll realize what could've been...after it over.
Thanks for your time